Friday, 1 May 2020

How To Be Confident & Achieve Your Aspirational Self - Active Tips


"Part of self confidence is staying in your lane and slaying the heck out of it" - She Who Conceals


Hi guys and welcome back to this lovely space. During this difficult time, I hope you are continuing to look after your mental state and are still remaining positive during these hard times. With the world at a halt, I know everyone is using this opportunity to either reflect, strategies and/or work on themselves. Therefore, I felt it in my spirit to create a post based on confidence and creating an aspirational self that you desire to emulate. Once upon a time, I was in a position where I disliked so many aspects, traits & features about myself, until one day I decided to stop the self hate and take practical steps to appreciate myself. By loving yourself, confidence & self worth flourishes also.  Based on my experience I'll be sharing realistic and actionable steps on gaining confidence. With the world being still, this is the perfect opportunity for the needed rebrand you've always desired.

1. Representation Matters! 

At a young age, unchangeable factors such as my appearance and body type was something I knew I needed to accept. Therefore, I sought to study strong Black females who looked like me and who channeled a form of confidence that I desired to emulate. Like the holy trinity, I decided to create my own based on women who had attributes that I was insecure in and had traits that I truly admired. My trinity consisted of the legendary Naomi Campbell and popular reality TV stars, Nene Leakes and Marlo Hampton. All three women were the representations I needed to see to feel like I could accept myself and slay just like these women were doing. From their statuesque build to their ability to take ownership of the room with their vivacious fabulosity, confidence and aura. I wanted to be that woman. By watching & studying them overtime, I gradually accepted myself for who I was and I knew I could slay and be just as bad as these Queens.

2. Fake It Till You Make It

Now this term can be very ambiguous and can often be misconstrued to be something negative. However, the effectiveness of it, depends on where you channel it. For example, as a young teenager I was conditioned to be shy, quiet and meek, stemming from the environment that I grew up in and the people that I interacted with (negative interactions might I add). However, I soon realised that having those traits is subjecting yourself to a long life of suffering and I did not have time for that. Therefore, I adopted the 'Fake It' mentality. Acting & emulating confidence when really and truly I was sh***** myself. (Sorry guys, no other phrase can describe how afraid I was)

What do I mean by faking? I mean purposely jumping into the deep end, volunteering to do things that you wouldn't do normally. For example, taking up leadership roles, carrying out interactive presentations, letting my friends take pictures of me in a room filled with strangers. Essentially, putting yourself in situations to force the confidence out of you. It is the tough love you need to survive in this dog eat world. I knew my weakness and I understood that it did not align with the life I wanted to live so I ended it with a quickness. Used correctly, faking gives you an opportunity to force yourself to be in uncomfortable situations until you're conditioned to be comfortable in them. Take the leap, you will not regret it.

3. Girl...It's All About Your Aesthetic

Achieving confidence mentally is all said and good but there is nothing better than looking put together and matching your mental. The woman you've always envisioned yourself to be...start looking like her, carry yourself like her, speak like her and let that aura grow and flow out of you.With the help of my trinity, I was able to take different components of their aesthetic and tailor it to me and what I could naturally exude effortlessly.

Nowadays, I get so many compliments on how I carry myself, my style, my confidence etc. It is derived from this exact ideology - Creating an aspirational self and becoming it. I started doing all this at 18 and at 23, I can finally say that my foundation to my identity is now steady. Meaning that I can take on life, knowing who I am, being confident in who I am, and loving who I am, apologetically. Basically, no one can tell me shit. Yes I said it. I own It.

If you have reached the end of this post, I hope this has inspired you to take actionable steps to elevate yourself for the better. I urge you to share it with whomever you feel may need these words of encouragement. Everyone deserves to be free from insecurities and self doubt about their identity and if you have any further questions, I am more than happy to help! Until next time!







I am my own muse...


Till next time...




Dress - PrettyLittleThing (Sold out)
Heels - Ego Official (Alternative)






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